Rashid Vassell
Professor Amy Amoroso
English 102
3 October 2017
Writing as a recursive process
During writing my first English draft based on the topic of the LGBTQ community and the AIDS epidemic I have stumbled upon some obstacles that were very minor but nonetheless I figured out how to overcome them. They ranged from small punctuations that I found myself leaving out at the end of some sentences, not introducing a new idea with a different paragraph for itself and running on my sentences for too long meaning that I dragged on my sentences for too long without any pauses. What I realized is that I tend to write exactly how I speak that is; As I think of something I write it as I would say it without no pauses and that is what has led to the run ons in my writing. https://docs.google.com/a/une.edu/document/d/1Di76SZcSgP_8YAGaKfqZaPlWRN4m92m94PIw_jlEYyA/edit?usp=sharing. As you can see in my first draft, I wasn’t using the MLA format that I was suppose to. I also didn’t completely capitalize the certain words such as AIDS leaving it as AIDs. One thing that I failed to do in the first rough draft was to make a lot of connections between Hallward and Epstein which also included introducing citations and references.
https://docs.google.com/a/une.edu/document/d/1BuWWyhMz0oOOrcsB2Qoc0zcDYoPJR5zyAH7rI2GoYms/edit?usp=sharing. In the final draft most of these observations that I made were corrected except that I still didn’t introduce a lot of citations that were related to Hallward and Epstein’s ideas. Next time I’ll make sure to properly outline whose idea it is and properly make y points clear.
Integrating your ideas with those of others
I have been integrating Hallward’s and Epstein’ idea about social cohesion and creating a safe space for everyone with my own in my essay where I talked out the LGBTQ community and the outbreak of the AIDS epidemic around the world. I made self to self connection in my essay about how that affected someone I know and what it did to his life. Using the quotation sandwich was very good as it enabled me to focus on my main point and provide supporting material for it in an orderly manner and not in one big confusing thing. I was also prior exposed to the TRIAC way of writing because that is what most of my English teachers taught me to use all the way through high school. During quoting I have learned that there are many ways to introduce a quote and you can’t just use one in a random way just to introduce your quote. You have to make sure the context match. . Hallward suggested “ Shame is at the heart of depression” which is totally true because in shame is guilt for the wrong you have done and this can come back to haunt you. As you can see this is an example of one of the quotes I quoted about what Hallward said from my blog. I think I have room for improvement because all the transition words I’ve used were directly from the book and I want to be able to quote without looking through the book. I’ve learned Some good ways to interpret things are to make text to self, text to text and text to world connections in order to make things easier to understand.
Active, critical reading
I’ve always tried to read between the lines of any text and try to get the bigger meaning behind it. I have also tried to ask any question I don’t understand, make connections to what else the author might be thinking when he was writing the book other than what he said directly and highlight/ make jotting to answering or asking questions. For example I’ve noticed that meanwhile reading and listening anne Hallward ted talk I noticed that she started out with shame, so I made jottings that shame is the major theme in this ted talk and underlined the sentence which clearly states it. “Anne Hallward is definitely promoting social cohesion which is the tendency of people to talk openly with one another and form trusted relationship, This is the main objective Hallward is heading towards.” This is just a small piece of my blog that I was reading and thinking critically in order to make a connection if Hallward is trying to do the samething that Epstein is doing.
Critiquing your own and other’s work
I was never good at Critiquing my own work much less critiquing someone else’s but from looking at my classmates critique mine I have developed some idea of what to look for meanwhile critiquing someone else’s work. I am not perfect at it now but I am better than I was a couple week ago. I find it better to critique my own work when I’ve read someone else’s work. That way I can have a different perspective and identify what I’ve done wrong. Whenever I critique someone’s work I usually tell them to include more information or explain what they mean. I also let them know how I feel about certain points they make weather it was a good point or a bad one. I give them feedback that they did a good job in their work. I have made local revision such as “ you should use a period at this point” to “ you should introduce use transition into the next sentence”. I have grown as I have not only been making suggestions to minor mistakes but also taking into consideration the global ones which doesn’t mean that I’ve mastered the ability to do good critique because everything I’ve learned is through my peers and I will continue to learn as they also continue to critique my writing pieces.
Using MLA citation
Making citations to the different ideas that I’ve suggested wasn’t the strongest part of my essays or blogs. I never use to use citation in any of my work as it was not required. However, I’ve done my best to cite all the sources I use. I have been citing quotations but I think I still need to do some work on it as I tend to forget to do it. “During the outbreak of the Aids epidemic in South Africa, Hellen Epstein claimed that the topic there was so stigmatized that no one talked about it even to the point where the professional health center that were built to deal with the problems of the public people who were battling the hardship of having the disease would be turned back or shut down whenever they dared to mention the name of the the disease.” As you can see with the example I provided from one of my draft, I did a good job quoting but I’m still confused on what and how to quote. I also don’t think I had cited page with all my citations even though I did cite some of the ideas I had. I will definitely provide a good cited page next time for my essay.
Managing individual error patterns
My peers have identified many errors such as not using commas, run ons, comma splices and semi-colon. It has been on more than one instance that I’ve made these mistakes. The one that I find myself doing the most are run ons and not using semi-colons at all. I will also show an example in one of my rough draft where I did a run on, “During the outbreak of the Aids epidemic in South Africa, Hellen Epstein claimed that the topic there was so stigmatized that no one talked about it even to the point where the professional health center that were built to deal with the problems of the public people who were battling the hardship of having the disease would be turned back or shut down whenever they dared to mention the name of the the disease.” I will stop doing run ons and make my thoughts clear by adding full stops and commas where necessary. Most of these errors that I made in the first draft were corrected in the final draft because I revised and had my tutor read through.
Rashid Vassell
Professor Amy Amoroso
English 102
3 October 2017
Writing as a recursive process
During writing my first English draft based on the topic of the Racial equality I have stumbled upon some obstacles that were very minor but nonetheless I figured out how to overcome them. They ranged from small punctuations that I found myself leaving out at the end of some sentences, not introducing a new idea with a different paragraph for itself and running on my sentences for too long meaning that I dragged on my sentences for too long without any pauses. What I realized is that I tend to write exactly how I speak that is; As I think of something I write it as I would say it without no pauses and that is what has led to the run ons in my writing.
https://docs.google.com/a/une.edu/document/d/1d86zk5UUJbkXVJX_FF0M6SskuwdV5eSj1kkCewkndQ0/edit?usp=sharing
As you can see in my first draft, I wasn’t using the MLA format that I was suppose to. I also didn’t completely capitalize the certain words and didn’t correctly use the author’s name when citing. One thing that I failed to do in the first rough draft was to make a lot of connections pertaining Duhigg’s three part process. The major thing about my first draft is that I wasn’t completely finished with it so not all of it was peered reviewed.
https://docs.google.com/a/une.edu/document/d/1Ke53g8pDrKq0sHDj3uMIXeAvduhZ9ws0Q1ekQQ58Lyw/edit?usp=sharing
In the final draft most of these observations that I made were corrected. I finished the entire essay and added my work cited page and many more quotes and citations to connect the entire essay.. Next time I’ll make sure to properly outline whose idea it is and properly make my points clear.
Integrating your ideas with those of others
I have been integrating Duhigg’s three part process relating to strong ties that is, family and friends and how we can use it to achieve Racial Equality. I made self to self connection in my essay about how Racial discrimination was never a thing where I’m from because everyone learned how to accept that a long time ago. Using the quotation sandwich was very good as it enabled me to focus on my main point and provide supporting material for it in an orderly manner and not in one big confusing thing. I was also prior exposed to the TRIAC way of writing because that is what most of my English teachers taught me to use all the way through high school. I was also introduced the naysayer paragraph where I had to make a claim and discuss it through the eyes of other people but in the end say why they should agree with the topic. It was a different approach to writing as I’ve never written like that before but it was a good experience and a different style of writing to have in the future. During quoting I have learned that there are many ways to introduce a quote and you can’t just use one in a random way just to introduce your quote. You have to make sure the context match. Hallward suggested “ Shame is at the heart of depression”(1). I think I have room for improvement because all the transition words I’ve used were directly from the book and I want to be able to quote without looking through the book. I’ve learned Some good ways to interpret things are to make text to self, text to text and text to world connections in order to make things easier to understand.
Active, critical reading
I’ve always tried to read between the lines of any text and try to get the bigger meaning behind it. I have also tried to ask any question I don’t understand, make connections to what else the author might be thinking when he was writing the book other than what he said directly and highlight/ make jotting to answering or asking questions. For example I’ve noticed that meanwhile reading Charles Duhigg’s paper I realized he focused on a three part process to focus on social change, so I made jottings that about the three process and underlined the sentence which clearly states it. Duhigg’s three part process states that “A movement starts because of the social habits of friendship and the strong ties between close acquaintances, secondly It grows because of the habits of a community and the weak ties that hold neighborhoods and clans together and thirdly it endures because a movement’s leaders give participants new habits that create a fresh sense of identity and feeling of ownership.” This is just a small piece of my essay that I was reading and thinking critically in order to make a connections to how I can apply the three part process to Racial equality.
Critiquing your own and other’s work
I was never good at Critiquing my own work much less critiquing someone else’s but from looking at my classmates critique mine I have developed some idea of what to look for meanwhile critiquing someone else’s work. I am not perfect at it now but I am better than I was a couple week ago. I find it better to critique my own work when I’ve read someone else’s work. That way I can have a different perspective and identify what I’ve done wrong. Whenever I critique someone’s work I usually tell them to include more information or explain what they mean. I also let them know how I feel about certain points they make weather it was a good point or a bad one. I give them feedback that they did a good job in their work. I have made local revision such as “ you should use a period at this point” to “ you should introduce use transition into the next sentence”. I have grown as I have not only been making suggestions to minor mistakes but also taking into consideration the global ones which doesn’t mean that I’ve mastered the ability to do good critique because everything I’ve learned is through my peers and I will continue to learn as they also continue to critique my writing pieces.
https://docs.google.com/a/une.edu/document/d/16O8Eu3KQaRDc9OLWCJEfvHp4qc3AkurS2uaa7yBMzXk/edit?usp=sharing
Using MLA citation
Making citations to the different ideas that I’ve suggested wasn’t the strongest part of my essays or blogs. I never use to use citation in any of my work as it was not required. However, I’ve done my best to cite all the sources I use. I have been citing quotations but I think I still need to do some work on it as I tend to forget to do it. The work cited page I had look good as it was also provided by my professor. In my earlier work this semester I had no work cited page and hardly any citations but this time I did a good job. As you can see with the example I provided from one of my draft, I did a good job quoting but I’m still confused on what and how to quote. I also don’t think I had cited page with all my citations even though I did cite some of the ideas I had. I will definitely provide a good cited page next time for my essay.
Managing individual error patterns
My peers have identified many errors such as not using commas, run ons, comma splices and semi-colon. It has been on more than one instance that I’ve made these mistakes. The one that I find myself doing the most are run ons and not using semi-colons at all. I will also show an example in one of my rough draft where I did a run on, “During the outbreak of the Aids epidemic in South Africa, Helen Epstein claimed that the topic there was so stigmatized that no one talked about it even to the point where the professional health center that were built to deal with the problems of the public people who were battling the hardship of having the disease would be turned back or shut down whenever they dared to mention the name of the the disease.” I will stop doing run ons and make my thoughts clear by adding full stops and commas where necessary. Most of these errors that I made in the first draft were corrected in the final draft because I revised and had my tutor read through.
